Preparing Our Toddler For the New Baby

2. I got help from my husband and our sitter so that Leela could burn off energy, ride around on her scooter, and still get outside when I needed rest. Karan started a tradition with Leela every evening where they went to get a green juice together. She loved it.  

3. It’s nerve-wracking to watch a toddler interacting with a tiny newborn. The toddler doesn’t have much impulse control and you don’t want the baby to get hurt. However, I really tried not to be saying “no” or “don’t do that” all the time. I tried to focus on what she COULD do like, “tickle her toes,” or “gentle” or “soft.”

Leela wanted to jam a pacifier in the baby’s mouth all the time, and there didn’t seem to be any harm, so I usually let her. Leela wanted to burp her, sometimes a bit too forcefully. Sometimes she wanted to help with diapers, sometimes not. I tried to let her explore, within reason. I let her pull 10 wipes out to change one diaper, or to put the diaper rash cream on the baby even though it was messy. I let her put 30 stickers on the baby while I was breastfeeding her. I let her climb into the Rock & Play and the baby swing. I figured that if I was getting worked up and saying no constantly, this would be no fun, and she would resent the baby. And when Leela did funny things, like trying to breastfeed with me, or tasting a bottle of breastmilk, I just was very neutral and poker-faced, and usually she didn’t do those things again.

You can’t trust a toddler around a newborn (and Rumi has the scratches on her face to prove it), but I pretended that I trusted Leela, and I do think that helped her behavior to be pretty reasonable and decently gentle.    

4. My mom gave me simple advice that helped me 100 times over – to sit on the floor. Instead of nursing the baby on the couch or in bed, I would just move down to the floor and it helped so much. Leela was at our level and didn’t feel excluded and could bring toys or books over to me. I also did many diaper changes on the floor instead of up on a changing table.  

5. When the baby was crying (which was often in the early days), I tried not to get flustered and act like this was the most important thing in the world to fix. If Leela needed me, I’d let the baby cry for another minute. Sometimes we would roll our eyes at the baby, like she was this pesky new roommate, and Leela and I had an inside joke. Mainly I would try to treat them as equally important, rather than Leela being less important. We also created new traditions, like Leela LOVES the breastpump so much and always sits with me if I’m pumping. “Drip drip drip!” she says.

6. I didn’t “shush” Leela all the time if the baby was sleeping. I figured another great way to make Leela resent the baby was to constantly be shushing her in our apartment. Toddlers make noise. And newborns can sleep through stuff. And Rumi wasn’t on any sort of schedule in the beginning, so I figured that if Leela came home from the park and was jumping out of her skin with excitement to see the baby, well, the baby was probably going to wake up whether I like it our not, so better not to make a stink about it.

I hope there are some helpful nuggets in here! Janet Lansbury also has a helpful article on Helping Kids Adjust to Life with the New Baby.

Love,
Kerry